Tag: sobriety

Therapeutic Reflections on the AA Big Book: Step One and the Brain Science Behind Powerlessness

If you’ve ever struggled with addiction—or loved someone who has—you’ve probably heard (or said) the words:

“Why can’t I just stop?”
“Why isn’t willpower enough?”
“I know drinking/drugs are destroying my life… so why do I keep doing it?”

These questions break people emotionally before the substance ever does. They create shame, isolation, and a belief that you’re “weak,” “broken,” or “not trying hard enough.”

Step One of the AA Big Book offers a powerful, liberating reframe:
addiction is not a moral failure—it’s a loss of control rooted in the brain, body, and nervous system.

Today’s blog breaks down Step One—“We admitted we were powerless over alcohol—that our lives had become unmanageable”—and looks at it from both the lens of the AA tradition and modern brain science.

✅ 1. What Step One Actually Means (And What It Doesn’t)

Many people misunderstand Step One. They think “powerless” means:

  • “I’m helpless,”
  • “I’m weak,”
  • “I have no control over my life,”
  • “I can’t make choices.”

But Step One is not about helplessness—it’s about honesty.

It’s acknowledging a painful truth:

✅ Once the substance is in the body, the ability to control use is gone.

Powerlessness doesn’t mean you can’t make decisions.
It means you can’t reliably control what happens after the first drink or hit.

This is the turning point where healing starts.

✅ 2. The Brain Science Behind “Powerlessness”

AA language was created before neuroscience existed, but the Big Book’s description still lines up with what research shows today.

When someone has a substance use disorder, the brain changes in three key areas:

✅ 1. The Reward System (Dopamine)

Substances overstimulate the pleasure pathways by up to 10 times more dopamine than natural rewards like food, connection, or accomplishment.

Over time, the brain becomes rewired to prioritize the substance above all else—even your goals, relationships, and safety.

This is not a conscious choice. It’s conditioning at the neurological level.

✅ 2. The Prefrontal Cortex (“The Stop Button”)

This is the part of the brain responsible for:
✅ decision-making
✅ impulse control
✅ planning
✅ resisting urges

Substances weaken this region. This is why people often say things like:

  • “I swore I wouldn’t drink today…”
  • “I don’t even know how I ended up using.”
  • “I meant it when I said I’d stop.”

Their intention was real, but their impaired prefrontal cortex could not follow through.

✅ 3. The Stress System (Fight-or-Flight Mode)

When someone tries to quit, the stress and anxiety systems become overactive.
This leads to:

  • irritability
  • restlessness
  • emotional flooding
  • cravings
  • feeling like “I can’t handle life sober”

The substance temporarily soothes this discomfort—so the cycle continues.

This is why Step One is so liberating.
You’re not “crazy.” You’re not “weak.” Your brain is responding exactly as it’s been conditioned.

✅ 3. Why Willpower Alone Fails (And Why That’s Okay)

Many clients tell me:

“I should be able to control myself.”
“Other people can drink normally.”
“This is my fault.”

Here’s the truth:
Willpower can’t compete with a brain wired for addiction.

Imagine trying to relax with a fire alarm blaring in your ear.
That’s the internal experience of craving.

Step One is an act of self-compassion:
“My brain is not the enemy. It’s doing what it was conditioned to do.”

You can’t out-discipline a neurological pathway.
But you can retrain your brain with recovery tools.

✅ 4. Two Client Examples

Maria: “The Social Drinker Who Isn’t So Social Anymore”

Maria promised herself she’d only have one drink at a birthday dinner.
But once she started, the old pattern kicked in:

  • one turned into six
  • she missed work the next day
  • she felt ashamed and confused

She told me, “I meant it when I said I’d only have one. Why can’t I control myself?”

Step One helped her see the truth:
Her brain doesn’t respond to alcohol like other people’s brains do.

Jason: “The Functional Professional”

Jason held a high-pressure job and believed he could “power through anything.” His drinking escalated during stress. He could stop for a bit, but never stay stopped.

He saw powerlessness as weakness—until we reframed it.
We explored how his brain was conditioned to associate relief with alcohol.

Accepting Step One helped him release guilt and start real healing.

✅ 5. Therapy + Step One: A Powerful Combination for Recovery

Step One identifies the problem.
Therapy helps build the solution.

✅ CBT (Cognitive Behavioral Therapy)

Helps clients challenge distorted beliefs such as:

  • “I should be able to control this.”
  • “Relapse means I’m a failure.”

✅ Grounding & Mindfulness

Teaches emotional regulation so clients don’t turn to substances for relief.

✅ Relapse Prevention Planning

Identifies triggers, patterns, and early warning signs.

✅ Motivational Interviewing

Supports clients who feel uncertain about change.

✅ Trauma-Informed Counseling

Addresses the emotional wounds that often fuel addiction in the first place.

✅ 6. Step One as a Form of Freedom

Powerlessness sounds scary at first. But in recovery, it becomes liberating.

It means:

  • You’re not the problem.
  • You don’t have to fight this alone.
  • You can let go of impossible expectations.
  • You can stop blaming yourself.
  • There is a proven path forward.

Many clients tell me that Step One was the first time they felt relief instead of shame.

✅ 7. Reflection Questions for You

If you’re reading this and exploring recovery, consider:

  • When have I tried to control my use and been unable to?
  • How do my thoughts change when I drink or use?
  • What patterns feel “automatic” and outside my control?
  • What would it feel like to admit I need help—not because I’m weak, but because my brain has been altered?
  • What support could I reach for today?

You don’t have to know the answers yet.
Curiosity is enough.

✅ 8. Final Thoughts: You’re Not Broken—Your Brain Is Overwhelmed

Step One isn’t about defeat. It’s about clarity.

Understanding the science behind addiction helps remove shame.
Understanding the spiritual and emotional layers helps rebuild hope.

If you remember one thing from this blog, let it be this:

You are not powerless as a person.
You are powerless over the chemical once it’s in your body.
And recognizing that truth is how recovery begins.

✅ If this topic helped you…

✔️ Leave a comment
✔️ Share with someone in recovery

Winning in Recovery: Choosing Peace Over the Argument

When we think about the word winning, most of us picture trophies, medals, or being “right” in an argument. But in recovery from substance use, winning takes on a whole different meaning. It’s not about crushing the other person, proving a point, or forcing your way. It’s about learning to choose peace, sobriety, and your long-term well-being over temporary satisfaction.

There’s an old saying about marriage:

“You can win the argument or stay married.”

It reminds us that sometimes we get so focused on proving we’re right, that we lose sight of what really matters. The same is true in addiction recovery. You can “win” the fight, but at what cost? Your peace, your relationships, even your sobriety?

Another saying I love is this:

“Winning can come at a very high cost. The next time you feel the urge to win, ask yourself—am I chasing relief or true satisfaction?”

That question is powerful for anyone working through recovery. Let’s explore what it means.

The High Cost of “Winning”

In recovery, there will be moments when the urge to win feels strong. Maybe someone challenges your progress, doubts your sobriety, or brings up old mistakes. Your instinct might be to fight back—to defend, argue, or prove yourself.

But here’s the truth:

  • Winning the fight doesn’t always mean winning in life.
  • Arguing can feed stress, which often triggers cravings.
  • The “victory” of being right can cost you trust, peace, and progress.

Think about it—how many times has “winning” left you feeling exhausted, angry, or isolated? That’s not the kind of victory recovery is about.

Real-Life Recovery Examples

To bring this closer to home, let’s look at some common situations in recovery:

1. With Family

María, in early recovery, feels judged because her mom keeps bringing up her past mistakes. María wants to “win” the moment by saying, “Stop bringing it up, I’ve changed!” But if she yells back, she risks hurting the relationship and increasing her stress.

A true win would be pausing, taking a breath, and responding calmly. Instead of fueling the fire, she protects her peace.

2. With Friends

Pedro runs into an old friend who offers him a beer. He wants to prove how strong he is by snapping, “I don’t need that anymore. You’re the weak one.” That might feel good in the moment, but it risks alienating a friend and stirring up resentment.

The bigger win? Saying something simple like, “Thanks, but I’m staying sober—it’s important to me.” That answer keeps him safe and confident without burning bridges.

3. With a Partner

Luis’s partner doesn’t trust him when he comes home late. He wants to “win” by proving he’s clean and demanding, “You should believe me!” But this only escalates conflict.

The real victory is to show consistency, patience, and accountability over time. That’s what rebuilds trust.

Relief vs. Satisfaction

One of the biggest lessons in recovery is learning the difference between relief and satisfaction.

  • Relief is short-term. It’s snapping back in an argument, numbing feelings with substances, or “proving” yourself. It feels good for a moment but often leaves damage behind.
  • Satisfaction is long-term. It’s the peace of choosing not to fight, the pride of staying sober another day, the joy of healthy relationships.

Recovery asks us: Do you want the relief of being right, or the satisfaction of real healing?

A Simple Skill: PRE (Pause, Breathe, Choose)

In groups, I often teach a simple method to handle these moments: PRE—Pause, Breathe, Choose.

  • Pause – When you feel triggered, stop for 10 seconds.
  • Breathe – Inhale for 4 seconds, exhale for 4 seconds, repeat 3 times.
  • Choose – Ask yourself: What’s the price if I “win” this? Am I looking for relief or satisfaction?

Think of it like a traffic light:

  • Red = Stop.
  • Yellow = Think of your options.
  • Green = Act with peace and clarity.

This skill may seem small, but it can change everything. Instead of reacting impulsively, you’re making conscious choices that protect your recovery.

Your True Victories in Recovery

Let’s redefine what winning really means when it comes to recovery from substance use:

  • Staying sober one more day.
  • Walking away from a fight instead of fueling it.
  • Choosing peace over proving a point.
  • Building back trust with family and friends.
  • Sleeping well because you stayed clean.
  • Feeling proud of yourself at the end of the day.

These may not look like “wins” to the outside world, but inside recovery, they are everything.

Try This: Your “Victory Phrase”

Sometimes it helps to have a phrase you repeat when you’re tempted to fight or prove yourself. Here are a few you can use—or make your own:

  • “My victory is staying sober today.”
  • “Peace matters more than being right.”
  • “I win when I choose recovery.”
  • “True strength is calm.”

Having these words ready gives you an anchor when emotions run high.

Reflection Questions

Here are some questions to ask yourself this week:

  1. When was the last time I felt the urge to “win” an argument?
  2. What did I lose in that moment—peace, trust, sobriety?
  3. How might I handle it differently next time?
  4. What does true winning mean to me in my recovery journey?

Writing your thoughts down can help you see patterns and stay intentional.

Final Thoughts

Recovery is not about proving yourself to others—it’s about building a life that feels worth living. Every day you choose not to pick up, every time you pause instead of snapping, every time you protect your peace—that is winning.

Remember:

You can win the fight, or you can win your recovery. The choice is yours.

The next time you feel the urge to prove yourself, stop and ask: Am I looking for quick relief, or real satisfaction? Choose satisfaction. Choose peace. Choose recovery.

That is the victory that lasts.

New Beginnings: Fostering Connection and Sobriety on New Year’s Eve

The holiday season is often a tapestry of joy, but for some, it weaves feelings of loneliness and isolation. As we approach New Year’s Eve, let’s explore the intricacies of loneliness during this time and discover meaningful ways to foster connection and maintain sobriety.

The holiday season is often a tapestry of joy, but for some, it weaves feelings of loneliness and isolation. As we approach New Year’s Eve, let’s explore the intricacies of loneliness during this time and discover meaningful ways to foster connection and maintain sobriety.

Understanding Loneliness During the Holidays:

The merriment of the season can accentuate the sense of isolation for many. Perhaps you find yourself navigating through gatherings where you feel like an outsider, or maybe the absence of loved ones intensifies during this time. Acknowledging these emotions is the first step towards reclaiming the holiday spirit.

Building Your Support System:

  1. Reach Out to Friends and Family:
    • Utilize the power of technology to connect with loved ones, whether near or far.
    • Share your thoughts and feelings with someone you trust.
  2. Volunteer for Community Events:
    • Engage in local community events or volunteer opportunities.
    • Connect with others while contributing to a greater cause.
  3. Attend Supportive Gatherings:
    • Seek out substance-free gatherings or support group meetings.
    • Surround yourself with individuals who understand and respect your commitment to sobriety.
  4. Express Yourself Creatively:
    • Engage in creative outlets like art, writing, or music.
    • Share your creations with friends or even on online platforms to connect with a wider audience.

The Power of Connection:

Connection is a balm for the soul, and New Year’s Eve presents a unique opportunity to embrace the transformative energy of the upcoming year. By fostering meaningful connections, you not only combat loneliness but also strengthen your resolve to stay sober.

As we step into the new year, I invite you to share your thoughts and experiences. How do you plan to connect with others and maintain sobriety during New Year’s Eve? Your insights might inspire someone else on their journey. Let’s start a conversation below and create a space of support and encouragement as we welcome the possibilities of a new beginning.

Thanksgiving and Sobriety: A Guide to Navigating Family Gatherings

In the midst of holiday festivities, staying sober can be a tough challenge. Our Thanksgiving guide offers practical tips, from planning ahead to building support networks. Join our community in sharing your personal strategies for navigating these occasions while prioritizing your well-being. Together, we can make the holiday season a time of strength and gratitude.


Thanksgiving is a time for expressing gratitude and spending quality moments with family and friends. But for those in recovery from substance use, this holiday can be a challenging time. The abundance of alcohol and societal pressure to partake in festivities can be overwhelming. In this blog post, we’ll provide you with valuable tips on how to maintain your sobriety while enjoying the company of your loved ones during Thanksgiving.

1. Plan Ahead:

Preparation is key. Before the big day, create a plan for the holiday. Know your triggers and be mindful of the potential challenges you might face. Make a list of coping strategies and emergency contacts you can turn to if you find yourself in a difficult situation.

2. Communicate with Your Loved Ones:

Don’t be afraid to share your sobriety journey with your family and close friends. Open and honest communication is vital. Let them know about your commitment to staying sober and kindly request their support. The people who care about you will want to help you succeed.

3. Host Your Own Sober Event:

Consider hosting your own Thanksgiving gathering or bringing non-alcoholic beverages to a family gathering. Having control over the environment and the drink options can help you feel more secure in your choice to remain sober.

4. Create New Traditions:

Instead of focusing on the past and potentially triggering experiences, consider creating new traditions. Engage in activities that promote wellness and recovery, like going for a hike, playing board games, or volunteering at a local charity.

5. Have a Sober Buddy:

It can be extremely beneficial to have a sober buddy with you during Thanksgiving gatherings. Whether it’s a friend in recovery or a supportive family member, having someone by your side who understands your journey can provide a sense of security.

6. Practice Self-Care:

Thanksgiving can be emotionally charged. It’s essential to prioritize self-care during this time. This might include daily meditation, exercise, journaling, or engaging in hobbies you enjoy. A calm and centered mind is better equipped to handle potential stressors.

7. Stay Mindful:

Mindfulness techniques can help you stay focused and grounded. Be aware of your emotions and triggers and practice deep breathing and meditation to maintain your emotional balance.

8. Be Prepared for Questions:

You may encounter questions from well-meaning but unaware family members. Prepare some brief, honest responses that help you avoid unnecessary stress. It’s okay to let people know you’re in recovery without going into extensive detail.

9. Find Support:

If you have access to a support group or therapist, make sure to attend meetings or appointments before and after Thanksgiving. Connecting with others who are facing similar challenges can be a tremendous source of strength and motivation.

10. Reflect on Gratitude:

Thanksgiving is about gratitude, and it’s an excellent time to reflect on the positive aspects of your life. Keep a gratitude journal and make it a habit to write down the things you’re thankful for every day. This can help shift your focus to the positive and keep you motivated in your recovery.

Thanksgiving is a time to be thankful for the progress you’ve made on your recovery journey and to celebrate the support of your loved ones. By following these tips and staying committed to your sobriety, you can enjoy the holiday season with your family and friends, creating lasting memories without the need for substances. Remember that you are not alone, and many others are on a similar path. Embrace the holiday season with confidence and the knowledge that you have the strength to stay sober and enjoy the love and support of your family and friends.

To wrap up this post, we’d like to hear from you. What are your go-to strategies for staying sober during Thanksgiving gatherings? Do you have any personal tips or experiences you’d like to share with our community? We encourage you to leave a comment below, as your insights might provide inspiration and support for others on their journey to maintaining sobriety during the holiday season.

Haunted by Recovery? Surviving Halloween with Sobriety

Halloween can be a challenging time for those in recovery. The temptations, the triggers, and the pervasive party culture can create a spooky atmosphere for your sobriety and mental well-being. In this blog, we’ll explore strategies to help you navigate Halloween while staying focused on your recovery journey.

Halloween is a time of year that many people look forward to. The costumes, the decorations, the spooky movies, and, of course, the candy. But for those in recovery from substance use disorders or struggling with mental health issues, Halloween can be a challenging time. The holiday’s focus on parties, alcohol, and other potentially triggering situations can make it difficult to stay on the path to recovery. In this blog post, we’ll explore some strategies to help you navigate Halloween while staying sober and prioritizing your mental health.

1. Plan Ahead

Planning is essential for anyone in recovery, but it’s even more crucial during holidays like Halloween. A well-thought-out plan can help you avoid tempting situations and ensure you have the support you need. Here are some tips for planning your Halloween:

  • Choose Sober Activities: Look for events or activities that don’t revolve around alcohol or substance use. Consider attending a pumpkin patch, visiting a haunted house, or hosting a movie night with friends.
  • Stay Connected: Reach out to your support network. Let your sponsor, therapist, or friends and family know that you may need extra support during this time.
  • Create a Relapse Prevention Plan: Identify your triggers and develop a plan to manage them. This might include having a friend with you at parties, having an exit strategy, or having a list of alternative coping mechanisms.

2. Focus on Self-Care

Taking care of your mental health is crucial, especially during a holiday that can be anxiety-inducing. Here are some self-care strategies to keep in mind:

  • Prioritize Sleep: A good night’s sleep can make a world of difference in how you cope with stress and temptation. Ensure you get enough rest leading up to and following Halloween.
  • Practice Mindfulness: Mindfulness techniques, such as deep breathing or meditation, can help you stay present and calm when faced with triggers or stressful situations.
  • Exercise: Physical activity is an excellent way to reduce stress and boost your mood. Consider going for a walk, run, or engaging in a workout to release endorphins.

3. Create a Sober Support System

If you’re feeling isolated or anxious during Halloween, reach out to your support system. Here’s how to create and utilize that network:

  • Attend Sober Events: Many communities host sober Halloween events or gatherings. Attend these to connect with others who understand your journey.
  • Online Support Groups: If in-person events aren’t available, or if you’re more comfortable with online support, there are many virtual support groups and forums where you can share your experiences and find encouragement.
  • Lean on Friends and Family: Don’t hesitate to call a loved one if you’re struggling. Sometimes, a simple conversation with someone you trust can make all the difference.

4. Be Mindful of Triggers

Halloween can be full of triggers, such as being around people who are drinking or using substances, encountering old partying friends, or feeling overwhelmed by stress. Identifying these triggers and having a plan in place to manage them is key.

  • HALT: Remember the acronym HALT, which stands for Hungry, Angry, Lonely, Tired. When you’re feeling any of these emotions, you’re more vulnerable to cravings and triggers. Make sure to address your basic needs.
  • Stay Away from Risky Situations: If you know that certain parties or environments will be triggering, it’s okay to avoid them. Your sobriety and mental health should always come first.
  • Use Coping Mechanisms: Develop healthy coping mechanisms, such as journaling, talking to someone, or engaging in a creative outlet like art or music, to deal with stress and emotions.

Halloween can be a spooky time for those in recovery or dealing with mental health issues, but it doesn’t have to be a nightmare. By planning ahead, prioritizing self-care, building a strong support system, and being mindful of triggers, you can navigate this holiday successfully while staying sober and protecting your mental health. Remember, your well-being is the most important treat of all, and you’re not alone in your journey toward a healthier, happier you.

Do I have a problem? When is it too much?

Nothing is a problem until it becomes a problem, right?  But what are we talking about? Sleep? Alcohol? Gambling? Drugs? Alcohol?
If drugs and alcohol have got you in trouble here are some reasons why you should  consider substance abuse counseling…
  • Learn about addiction and recovery
  • Learn ways to cope with triggers and cravings.
  • Talk to someone during difficult times without any judgement.
  • Treat undiagnosed mental health conditions which may be feeding your  addiction such as depression or anxiety
  • Heal and strengthen relationships with family and friends
Whether you want to quit or just cut down using, talking to someone experienced who understands what you’re going through makes a huge difference.   What are you waiting for?  Take the first step now.   Call 305-576-1599 ext.3127 or 3117 and ask how we can assist….